As a child you don’t have to work for happiness. A funny shaped cloud, or mismatched socks would send me into an inescapable fit of the giggles. Smiles and laughter came so easily. The innocence in me found happiness in every sensation. Now that I am an adult, I articulate each moment of my life. A waterfall is not simply a being of nature that used to make me smile in wonderment. Now a waterfall is my fear of falling from such great heights, the pollution that pools at its basin, the deafening sound of water crashing into itself and so much more. When did I have to start working so hard to smile?
She told me thats she thinks I’m getting over her. Everything she did used to cause a reaction in me. My day would be made with a simple good morning text. I would be upset if she couldn’t hang or didn’t text me in an hour. Suddenly I am no longer disappointed. I still dream of her in my sleep, but when I’m awake… Maybe I put too much of myself without getting much in return. Maybe I’m finally falling back after being pushed away so many times. Maybe these drugs are working too well. I love her deeply. What does this all mean?